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Once upon a time, there lived a little Superstar.

He was not a particularly handsome or talented or wealthy Superstar. In fact, as far as Superstars go, he probably fell on the lower end of the spectrum – cute enough but not heart-stoppingly so, amusing enough but not outright funny, pleasant enough but not distinguishedly sweet. He was an intersection of kind-of’s and sort-of’s, a nondescript middle ground halfway down the highway to superlative.

He was gifted with one special gift though: an ego as robust and swollen as a ripe watermelon slightly past its prime. He carried himself with a swagger, determined to achieve through sheer force of character what he could not achieve through more overt physical charms. That was all he had, after all, but it was something he carried in spades: a shamelessly invincible sense of self-worth that allowed him to steamroll people into believing he was, in fact, Super.

What people did not realize though was that hidden behind the bluster and bravado of his Superstar nom-de-plume, was the soul of a tiny, scared, insecure little boy, closer to the emotional fortitude of a 6-year-old than his 29 year-old physique, with strapping 18-inch biceps and scruffy biker’s goatee, would suggest.

He was scared.

He was fake.

And he was lonely.

And then, one day, this Superstar met a Girl.

This girl had eyes that seemed to be woven of liquid smoke, deeply entrancing and heavy with both mystery and promise. She had a way of gazing into the eyes of the Superstar, and stripping away the layers of swagger and bluster he had painstakingly forged for himself through years of shame and insecurity.

“Be true to yourself, Superstar,” she would whisper. “Be the man you know yourself to sincerely be.”

And just like that, she stirred a yearning within the trembling fraud Superstar. “I will be honest,” he whispered back. “For you, I will be true.”

And into the sunlight, the Superstar stepped forth. “It’s better to be true-per than Super,” he chuckled to himself, shaking his head slyly over his clumsy pun. Away came the swagger. Away dropped the fraud. Away fell the desire to impress with facade.

And the Superstar swore to the Girl With The Eyes of Liquid Smoke that he would no longer be selfish and self-centered and aloof and withdrawn. He would look outwards with her, accept the beauty of a world embroidered with love, and embrace a life of Spice Girls-inspired “2 Become 1″-ness.

And he knew that beside her was where he wanted to be. Beside her was where he was the happiest. Beside her was where he could learn to be brave and strong and true.

Beside her was where he was made to be.

Beside the Girl With The Eyes of Liquid Smoke.

My fatal flaw is that I have no filter. Acquaintances I barely know, people I have only met in passing, will light up when I run into them in the mall – “Oh, I love your tweets! Your blog entries! Your status updates,” they’ll say. “You’re hilarious! You’re crazy!”

I guess this is the offshoot of me being such a socially-inept, awkward nerd. I’m an affirmation whore, with an incredible need to be accepted, and the simplest, fastest way I think I can get people to like me is by making them laugh with crude crassness.

Hence the torrents of outrageous oversharing that used to populate my Twitter and Facebook accounts – what kind of underwear I’m wearing for the day, how I like to multi-task by shaving my head and smoking while taking a dump, the new sex tape scandal I’ve downloaded, etc. Things designed to fall askew of conventional social decorum, and provoke a reaction from the reader.

Well, somebody call John Mayer, cos I think I’m the latest, greatest incarnation of the legendary Captain Backfire..

Above all things, I value openness, honesty, and sincerity. I can’t filter myself, because I’m such an emotional person – a classic INFP, by Myers-Briggs standards. I navigate the world by how I feel, by intuition, by how I perceive things. And closing myself off emotionally would mean I couldn’t connect to the world in that way.

And I suppose I’m leaving myself open to getting hurt when I do that. That’s the sort of thing that happens when you lay yourself out so honestly and openly to people – especially the ones you choose to love. You’re always just a little bit more vulnerable to getting your heart broken in those cases, mainly because it isn’t really inside your chest anymore – it’s in their hands, unprotected, and theirs to either cradle or crush.

But you know what?

I would choose to feel that pain one million times, over even trying to live a life without love.

There are some things that are worth being hurt for.

JC made a wonderful point in an article from Details he re-posted recently.   

When it comes to a guy talking about another guy, there are only three strictly acceptable adjectives in the dictionary:
  1. Cool
  2. Awesome
  3. Badass
(And to be technically correct, “badass” isn’t even in any dictionary that I know of, except quite possibly for the Urban Dictionary of Kickassery, Abridged Edition, 2001…)

To be fair, there are a lot of times when it will suffice to simply say, “he’s cool,” “he’s awesome,” or “he’s badass.”

It just doesn’t feel right when one dude wants to say about another dude, “he makes me laugh,” or “I enjoy being around him.”

I suppose there are ways around it, and the best theory I’ve heard when one wants to do a deeper exposition on another guy is to quickly and fluidly quickly follow up with a distinctly masculine, alpha male nonsequitir.

For example:
  1. “Dude, I think you look totally fabtabulous in those flat-front pants… Boobs!
  2. “Pare, you should totally stick to jewel tones… Ang lupit ni Marlou Aquino!”

Until someone comes up with a better way to safely pull off a non-awkward dude-on-dude exposition, this is the best thing I can think of.

“You aren’t dead,” Angel whispered to Rob. “At least not permanently.”

Rob attempted to pry his eyelids open. It was as difficult, he decided, as trying to wrestle open a Pullman loaf sandwich glued shut with cheap peanut butter.

“What do you mean by not permanently?” he muttered back, his voice catching in his throat.

I’m an angel now, Rob,” Angel smiled. “God thought it was cute that my parents named me Angel, so he turned me into a real angel, just for now! I can bring you back, you know.”

“It’s a good thing your folks hadn’t named you ‘Chunky Potato Salad’ then,” Rob winked. “But anyway. I don’t mind dying now.”

“Why not?” asked Angel, her newly-shorn angel bangs flapping sadly down over her brow. She looked, Rob concluded, rather majestic. “Is that a macho boy thing you’re trying to impress me with?”

“No, Angel,” Rob replied. “I just remembered it was my dad’s brand new Kia Pride I wrecked. He’ll kill me anyway. Take me away. Now na.”

“Alright,” said Angel sadly. “I really will miss you though.”

“I’ll miss you too, cute stuff. You always did have a hot ass,” Rob said, his eyes drifting slowly shut.

(This story really has no point. I just spent the last six hours slaving over this drawing, and just wanted to put it in some sort of logical context, no matter how silly.)


They’re both part of GARAGE MAGAZINE – The Ultimate Style Guide For Guys.

All Jake Cuenca gets to be is cover model. Me, I get to write a 600-word article on semi-illegal fitness supplements! Beat that, Mr. I-Look-So-Pretty-In-A-Skinny-Tie!

Available now at Fully Booked for less than the price of two Double Cheeseburger Meals at McDonald’s – P200 for 208 pages loaded full of Jake, MDJ Superstar, and expensive advertisements!

First 5,000 people who send me a copy of this magazine get a free autograph and DNA sample (type of bodily fluid to be given will be decided at a later date) from The Superstar. All succeeding autograph/DNA requests will be subject to a nominal charge of $49.99 + S&H.

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