I recently pitched out a simple question to an Apple Mac community of which I am a part. Do you, I asked, use WiFi while on the john?

If you’re like me, you probably have a preconceived notion in your head of what Mac users are like – sleek, sophisticated, urbane, intellectual, cultured, and profound. I imagine them writing haikus or perhaps drafting this generation’s response to the Mona Lisa on their Macs. You’d think such a slick group would have equally slick potty habits, wouldn’t you?

The results from my survey were shocking. Here are the results from my sample size of 60.

Three out of every four Mac users claim to regularly use their gadgets while taking a crap. 49% use their ultra-portable doodads (an iPhone, an iPod touch, or a PSP, maybe), while just over one-fourth actually drag their full-time, full-size laptops into the bathroom.

“Isn’t that why WiFi was invented?” asked a very successful restaurateur. “Anything you guys can do, us girls can do better,” was the response of the sole female who answered my survey. Others told me of bathrooms custom-designed to allow room for a 15″ TiBook on their laps, while others recommended investing in curious-looking tables that apparently put their laptops on a very strategic location while doing their business.

Who am I to contradict such an emphatic bunch?

And the terms they came up with for their toilet sessions were hilarious. “Dropping the kids off at the pool,” was my personal favorite, while “sitting at the Oval Office” was cute too.

Here’s the moral of the story.

“If you are going to borrow someone’s Mac, make sure you sanitize, dry-clean, and otherwise sterilize your hands thereafter.”

I know a lot of Mac users. A bunch of officemates within close proximity are iPhone users. Knowing that I run a 75% chance of getting contaminated with post-shittal germs and residual bacteria, MDJ Superstar hereby officially pledges to keep his hands to himself when it comes to reaching out for someone else’s gizmo.

These prolonged Number Two sessions do accomplish one positive result though. They explain why, as a whole, Mac users are less full of crap than Windows users.