Archives for posts with tag: MDJ Superstar

Once upon a time, there lived a little Superstar.

He was not a particularly handsome or talented or wealthy Superstar. In fact, as far as Superstars go, he probably fell on the lower end of the spectrum – cute enough but not heart-stoppingly so, amusing enough but not outright funny, pleasant enough but not distinguishedly sweet. He was an intersection of kind-of’s and sort-of’s, a nondescript middle ground halfway down the highway to superlative.

He was gifted with one special gift though: an ego as robust and swollen as a ripe watermelon slightly past its prime. He carried himself with a swagger, determined to achieve through sheer force of character what he could not achieve through more overt physical charms. That was all he had, after all, but it was something he carried in spades: a shamelessly invincible sense of self-worth that allowed him to steamroll people into believing he was, in fact, Super.

What people did not realize though was that hidden behind the bluster and bravado of his Superstar nom-de-plume, was the soul of a tiny, scared, insecure little boy, closer to the emotional fortitude of a 6-year-old than his 29 year-old physique, with strapping 18-inch biceps and scruffy biker’s goatee, would suggest.

He was scared.

He was fake.

And he was lonely.

And then, one day, this Superstar met a Girl.

This girl had eyes that seemed to be woven of liquid smoke, deeply entrancing and heavy with both mystery and promise. She had a way of gazing into the eyes of the Superstar, and stripping away the layers of swagger and bluster he had painstakingly forged for himself through years of shame and insecurity.

“Be true to yourself, Superstar,” she would whisper. “Be the man you know yourself to sincerely be.”

And just like that, she stirred a yearning within the trembling fraud Superstar. “I will be honest,” he whispered back. “For you, I will be true.”

And into the sunlight, the Superstar stepped forth. “It’s better to be true-per than Super,” he chuckled to himself, shaking his head slyly over his clumsy pun. Away came the swagger. Away dropped the fraud. Away fell the desire to impress with facade.

And the Superstar swore to the Girl With The Eyes of Liquid Smoke that he would no longer be selfish and self-centered and aloof and withdrawn. He would look outwards with her, accept the beauty of a world embroidered with love, and embrace a life of Spice Girls-inspired “2 Become 1″-ness.

And he knew that beside her was where he wanted to be. Beside her was where he was the happiest. Beside her was where he could learn to be brave and strong and true.

Beside her was where he was made to be.

Beside the Girl With The Eyes of Liquid Smoke.

Absolutely one of my favourite toys in the whole wide world is my Wacom Intuos tablet.

With a bit of Adobe Illustrator wizardry, I can use it to transform rough pencil sketches like this…

Into whizbang fully-digitally-inked-and-coloured alleged masterpieces like this:

I call it “Batman Forgets His Poncho (Or, When Butlers Fail To Butle).”

If you would like to secure a genuine, limited-edition original dot matrix printout, please deposit USD537,045 into MDJ Superstar’s official PayPal account, and let me know when you’d like me to fax it over to you, sometime between the years 2018 and 2031.

We love Singapore shopping.

Let us loose along Orchard Road, and we will gleefully veni-vidi-vici through every single one of the 40 shopping malls until we have liberated every single branch of Uniqlo, Forever 21, Muji, Cotton On, Zara and Topshop of their wares.

(We do believe it to be our Christian duty, after all, to do everything in our power to aid the Singaporean GDP in any way we can.)

There is one thing however that puzzles us.

Outside Orchard Central lies a mysterious red fiberglass construct of indeterminate nature. You may have seen it yourself and been rendered speechless by its sheer ineffability.

We’re a smart bunch of people, yet we confess to being entirely clueless as to what this outdoor art installation truly represents.

We initially thought it to be related to the inaugural Singapore F1 race due to its sleek, aerodynamic lines, and the decidedly aggressive profile it presents. We were wrong.

We then postulated it to be one of the alien seed pods from Cloverfield, lurking and waiting for the right time to erupt and bring forth a righteous and terrible beast to slay us all, one fashionista at a time. Again, this proved to be untrue.

Various other theories have proposed it to be a kiamoy, Spiderman’s hemorrhoids, or a mutant prune, yet again and again we find ourselves no closer to the truth than before.

Can anybody tell us what this sinister, brooding enigma is supposed to be?

There are very few things I like better than WWE pro wrestling, and few men I hold in higher esteem than the Sultan of Shat, William Shatner.

That’s why it blew my mind to see him on WWE Raw last week, holding guest host duties, and singing, in his usual impassioned, imploring manner, the greatest, most iconic theme songs of today’s generation of WWE superstars.

Nobody owns spoken word the way he does. All hail The Shat.

If The Shat sings it, we all needs to brings it.

While waiting to board my flight back home to Manila, I felt it – as pungent as a ripe cheese, as persistent as a broken promise, as irresistible as Wendell Ramos: It was the urge to write!

And not in prose, the urge insisted, but in meter, in rhyme, and in verse!

And so I succumbed.

This is a poem I wrote in honor of Thailand. It’s REALLY GOOD.

=====

Where The Elephants Go To Die*

Thailand smells of lemongrass,
Cilantro and hot chilies.
But sleeping in my bed alone
Sure did give me the willies.

A ghost came by to visit me;
I could have done without.
It made me want to scream with fear
(Though real men should shout).

But gosh, the malls! The retail stores!
The shopping boulevards!
Telling myself not to whip out
My credit card was hards!

(…OK, that was a bad rhyme…)

I almost bought a pair of sneaks
From Onitsuka Tiger,
But I recalled the girl back home
And gifts that I must buy her.

By that same logic, I felt obliged
To find a snazzy present.
But nothing seemed to catch my eye.
Coke sure is effervescent.

I had a blast, but shan’t return
To good old BKK.
The “girls” that populate the bars
Are ladyboys or gay.

The Ladyboys of Thailand

=====

* Please note that the title of this poem had absolutely nothing to do with the content. If there’s one thing I learned from The Dave Barry School of Poetic Profundity, it’s that the less a poem has to do with what it’s called, the more spectacular its chances of winning an award. It’s true. Just look at all the hardware he’s won for poetic achievement. Really.

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