So my Zee and I got invited to be part of a tiny little segment on “Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho,” which we immediately said yes to.
Not being much of TV nuts, we assumed not a lot of people watched it.
Turns out it’s consistently in the Top 10 of TV programs nationwide. Eep. But we did it, with the slant of “People who found love on Twitter.”
So here’s a bootleg video of mine & Zee’s 1-min of fame on Jessica Soho. Some production notes:
(1) It is not true the camera adds 10-lbs. It adds 40. FYI, I have abs in real life. 9 of them.
(2) They cut a lot of our cute chroma shots, i.e. kilitian, subuan ng ice cream, habulan sa bukid, etc.
(3) The pillow in front of my tummy was strategic – I want to be seen as a sex symbol on TV.
(4) Zee’s cheekbones are KILLER on TV.
This Christmas, we De Joya males, as strapping, cavalier, and hunky as we are – true blueprints for the prototypical Manly Man – discovered a gentlemanly new way to settle our disputes.
Four Nerf N-Strike Maverick pistols. One for the each of us. Each one a deadly hunk of finely-tooled canary-yellow plastic primed and ready to unleash a vicious onslaught of foam-rubber upon unsuspecting passers-by.
These Nerf guns are devastating pieces of high-tech space-age technology made available only to the finest specimens of Manly Men. Only the most physically-gifted can bear them; only those with the true soul of hunter may wield their awesome destructive might.
And how do we, the Manly De Joya Men, apply such terrifying armaments of devastating firepower?
Watch and learn.
This video also proves there is no such thing as the law of averages. Michael won four straight times!
In the words of The Sicilian from The Princess Bride: “Inconceivable!”
A couple pic taken at a pole-dancing event the other week.
Zee looks pretty. I look like a B-movie action star, only a few rungs down from the likes of Jestoni Alarcon.
Zee is the best girlfriend ever. She takes me to scope out hot poledancers spreading their legs and cavorting around steel poles while dressed in tight leather outfits. The only trade-off is that I need to take her to the Cosmo Bachelor Bash next year.
I love her. If I need to take her to scope out hot veiny men in ripped denim, then I will.
They bore tough, resilient armors, hardy enough to resist the most ferocious battering from oceans of misfortune, yet light and pliable enough to allow them to gaze up at the stars every night, dreaming, wondering, “Life.. what does it hold for us?”
They had hopes. They had dreams. They had ambitions and visions, aspirations and goals.
But above all, they had each other.
Their names were Tiffany and Amber, and they were two beautiful young crabs in love.
They swore to each other, with claws intertwined after one particularly lusty, sweaty evening of fierce lovemaking, that they would always be true to each other. They would strive to be better crustaceans together. They would take care of each other, and they would live for each other.
Little did they know that in addition to this, they would die together as well.
Join us on this brief documentary celebrating how the one brief, glorious blaze of love shared by young Tiffany and Amber was tragically snuffed out by the voracious appetites of two incredibly good-looking, adorable, slightly nutty yet staggeringly sweet Superstars likewise in love, MDJ & Zee.
Shed a tear for the end of the love shared by Tiffany & Amber.
Yet forget not to celebrate the courage with which they faced death together.
If only we, as humans, could learn to be as brave.
* Production notes: (1) Real crab experts would have spotted right from the start that the crabs in question were, in fact, male, and should not have been named “Tiffany” and “Amber,” but “Timothy” and “Andrew.” (2) All footage is entirely unscripted, and is representative of the general silliness that goes on during the dates of the very-much-twitterpated MDJ & Zee, (3) If you enjoyed this video, kindly share us your appreciation by depositing a very large gratuity in our PayPal accounts, preferably in increments of $1,000.
