For the ultimate What-The-Eff night, I highly recommend Ringside Bar, located in the less reputable zone of Makati found behind Rockwell, a place otherwise known as either “Backwell“, or “Olongapo City Pride District“, depending on what social circles you run in.

But let me tell you this first – if you ever thought that it would be sexy to watch two oiled-up chicks dressed in pekpek shorts and sports brassieres try to grapple each other to the ground, it is not. It is so not. MDJ Superstar was trying his best to get his mojo going tonight, but when the two combatants in question remind him of an old tag team of housemaids he once had, that’s a difficult thing to do.

You should also remember never to make conversation with a GRO named “Lorena”. I had a yaya once named “Lorena”, and she really WAS from Olongapo City. This Lorena would be sexually attractive if she was a dude, if only for the fact that she had a more rugged, masculine combo of jawline and eyebrows than even me. When I said I wanted to be surrounded by morena girls in bikinis, I did not mean Lorena. I should have been more explicit. I should have asked for either Andrea Del Rosario or Mylene Dizon.

A bottle of San Mig Light sells for P160 over there, but at least it’s frosty cold. Unless you’re highly curious what a P420 plate of gambas tastes like, you probably don’t want to order food there.

Lianne promised to email me our smuggled pictures tomorrow, and those are going up here, just so you know first-hand what it’s like to watch two alleged ladyboxers get down and dirty with each other. Wednesday nights, they have midget oil wrestline, which would at least be novel. Friday night is Pillow Fight Night. I fail to see the appeal, unless perhaps the pillows in question are actually midgets disguised in pillow cases as well. Marfori promised me lunch for one whole week if I volunteered to wrestle with the girls, but I was scared that I would either (a) embarrass myself by losing, or (b) come down with a bad case of pubic crabs from all the groping going on.

We saw not even a hint of nudity, not even a nipple. I would have paid P20 at least for one nipslip.

Friday night was much better though, as I got to catch Updharma Down at Route 196 with the newly-minted OFW, April. Armi lost a lot of weight and is very cute these days, and I swear to God I was momentarily starstruck when April introduced me to her. I love rocker chicks, and it’s a bonus when they actually smell nice, which she did.

(No nipslips here either, unless you count the one dude outside dressed in a Yao Ming NBA jersey)

Here’s a picture from Friday night. I’ve decided to retire my Zoolander Magnum pose, and am currently working on perfecting the Victoria Beckham. I estimate that by around Q2 2009, it should be ready for mass exposure. In the words of that asshole Paul Cuaso, in its current state, my Victoria Beckham looks more like I overdosed on Imodium…

(April, I discreetly Photoshopped one part of you, and you are obligated to love me forever for it… I’m pimping you out, cheri!)