A couple pic taken at a pole-dancing event the other week.
Zee looks pretty. I look like a B-movie action star, only a few rungs down from the likes of Jestoni Alarcon.
Zee is the best girlfriend ever. She takes me to scope out hot poledancers spreading their legs and cavorting around steel poles while dressed in tight leather outfits. The only trade-off is that I need to take her to the Cosmo Bachelor Bash next year.
I love her. If I need to take her to scope out hot veiny men in ripped denim, then I will.
People may argue that the true contenders for the title of Ultimate He-Man Sex Panther of the 1990s were such traditional macho ladykillers as Jestoni Alarcon, Christopher De Leon, and Richard Gomez.
How indeed could any self-respecting 1990s dalagang bukid resist the magnetic pull of a Speedo-and-boldstar-bigote combination like this?
And then you have aberrations, like the goofy-grinning, jug-eared Jose Mari Chan.
Gifted neither with conventional good looks nor your typical alpha-male “oozing machismo” sex appeal, it’s hard to argue with the quality of ladies he would bag in his music videos. Sheryl Cruz. Sharon Cuneta. Vilma Santos. Regine Velasquez. If you’re in the 1990s, those four made up the mythical Mount Rushmore of Most Desireable Leading Ladies whose So-en panties any man should aspire to get into.
Say what you will, but Tetchie Agbayani, Carmi Martin, Dawn Zulueta, and Anjanette Abayari just cannot hold a candle to those four.
Jose Mari Chan was the man. Despite the Dumbo ears and shit-eating smile, he made it with the ladies in a way that nobody else could have. Unconfirmed rumors in fact suggest that good ol’ JMC engaged not just in raunchy monkey sex with these vivacious vixens, but did so all at the same time*.
Forget ménage-a-troix, this man was good for a four-pack.
Ultimate He-Man Sex Panther of the 1990s?
He may not have had the Speedo-filling swollen physiques that the original bigote boys of the 1990s had, but when you boil things down to the rawest results, it’s hard to deny that Jose Mari Chan, the Chinky-Eyed Czar of Cherry-Poppin’, brought home not just the bacon, but every last “Beautiful Girl” upon whom he sets his eyes.
* Attributed to shady yet intensely good-looking Internet resource operating under the nom-de-plume “MDJ Superstar.”
For a stat geek like MDJ Superstar, the statistical tracking over at WordPress is incredibly interesting. It gives a rundown of site traffic, search terms people used to find the blog, incoming links, etc. – in short, anything you need to know to tailor a marketing plan to monetize a blogsite.
I don’t quite know what to think, however, of the Google terms that WordPress tells me people use to find my blog. Here’s my Top 10 Search Terms over the last 90 days.
Tracy Isabel Borres – I think we’re all incredibly bored with the travails of this unfortunate young lady, but she was responsible for the biggest traffic days for me. I owe her an orange mocha frappuccino, at the very least…
Twilight is gay – Whew. And I thought the only one who felt this way about that abomination of a movie. If I want vampires, I’d look up Bram Stoker. If I want sexual tension, I’d look up Judith McKnaught. Twilight serves no discernible purpose in modern civilization, except to prove that all it takes to make a hit movie is a cute boy and a Nu Metal soundtrack.
DDB Philippines – And the De Joya legacy lives on…
Jestoni Alarcon - Who would have thought that a fading 80′s sexual icon could still generate so much site traffic? I should start writing about Jovit Moya and Ronnie Ricketts, at this rate…
MDJ Superstar – My name isn’t even the top search term for my blog. The embarrassment of it! I think I need to stop spending my astounding amount of disposable income (!!!) on pretty boots and comic books, and start investing in a massive brand-building campaign for myself…
Big stiff nipples – …
Porky Pigging – I think I should just jump the shark, and turn this into a blog about embarrassing sexual practices.
Thorn & Bone – Well, I confess to being a huge-ass fan of Jeff Smith’s wonderful Bone comic book series, but apparently not a whole lot of other people are. Friends, forget Sandman, forget Watchmen, forget Batman, Bone is the real deal!
But I was checking my blog stats here at WordPress, and one of the nice little features they have is that they let you know what search term people entered in Google that led to your blogsite.
Apparently, one of last weekend’s hottest contributors was the search term:
“Jestoni Alarcon Sexy.”
Seriously now?
Okay, I fully recognize my accountability for having written this particular entry on my blog, but seriously – who the hell searches for JESTONI ALARCON SEXY on Google?
I punished myself with a hardcore chest-and-shoulder 2-hour session at the gym tonight – first time I’d touched those two bodyparts in almost three weeks, and the first time I’d had the stamina to do a back-to-back at the gym this year.
(You’re getting old, MDJ – you used to rip out 4-hour marathons when you were a strapping young buck of 22. Now you’re 27 and fat.)
I confess that I have been getting lazy. Lately, I find myself using machines whenever I can, instead of free weights. And so as punishment, I forced myself to do my whole chest routine using dumbbells, which technically is the most difficult way to work out. You need to balance and stabilize using just your body, you see, no levers and pulleys to help cheat your way through.
I amazed myself. I pulled off a final set of dumbbell bench presses using a pair of 95-pounders. That’s the heaviest I’ve ever lifted on dumbbells.
But it’s all good.
Summer is coming up, and I do need to get into slim, trim, pumped up shape. Much like this man, the true mecca of manhood, the shaman of sexy, the Thursday night delight, Jestoni Alarcon.
MDJ Superstar is confident that by the time summer comes around, he will look exactly like his good friend Jestoni.
