Chuck Taylor Goes Anorexic

March 3, 2010

I like these new Chuck Taylor All-Star Slims.

Just like with a pair of vintage Bausch & Lomb Aviators or a nice classic Mackintosh coat, I never thought of Chucks as having to need any sort of update. I liked how they lacked any sort of finesse or frou-frouness, and thought of them as the ultimate I-don’t-give-a-fuck pair of footwear.

I’ve had just one pair of Chucks in my entire life, and I swear I’ve never had to have them washed. Ever. They look like a buffalo shat on them, yet strangely that’s where their entire character comes from.

But these Slims are pretty swank. I imagine they’d work much better with today’s slimmer-cut trousers than the classic Chucks do, and could actually coexist with shorts that aren’t made of denim.

I’m sure even Michael Bastian, The High Holy He-God Of All That Is Stylish & Incredibly Expensive, would totally approve.

It’s been a while since I last bought a pair of good sneaks.

I think I see a pair of Slims in my future.


Even Werewolves Need Body Doubles: The Deception of Team Jacob

March 2, 2010

So we all know that New Moon is pure adolescent sexual napalm.

With all the greased-up abs and sweaty, shirtless action scenes, it’s like watching a gothic Sweet Valley adventure ever-so-gently blended in with a Calvin Klein Spring/Summer underwear fashion shoot.

Francine Pascal would be so proud.

Sure, we get it, werewolves are outdoorsy; they like frolicking around in fields, slaughtering large helpless mammals for giggles, and bounding over streams and stuff, so of COURSE they’re going to be naturally buff and ripped and brawny.

And you have to admit, Taylor Lautner, the dude who plays Jacob, President of the Baby Oil Boys Club, is one Mr Fine Universe. He’s so pumped, even his abs have abs.

Except, as it turns out, in some of the movie’s collateral materials, they weren’t really his abs…

Nice Photoshop work, New Moon marketing dudes. If it weren’t for the little bit of tighty-whitey garter peeking ouf Jacob’s jeans’ waistband, I would have been forced to give you a grudging slow clap…

Spotted this on the PhotoshopDisasters blog. Those boys rule.


Lasik – A Superstar’s Path To Freedom & Pedophilia

March 1, 2010

I’m really thinking about getting laser surgery done.

I’m really sick of having hairy armpits…

Just kidding. I’m talking about getting Lasik for my eyes, and it’s something I’ve been wanting for years now.

I’ve always been a fat, slovenly, socially-inept kid, and I suppose one of the big reasons I was never into sports while I was growing up was because my eyesight was so damn terrible. I could run around, sure, but fielding a baseball or spotting up for a 3-point basketball shot was an exercise in futility. I liked staying in, drawing, reading my Little House On The Prairie books (Laura Ingalls Wilder FTW!), and mucking around on MS-DOS.

I was a dork.

And I didn’t like wearing my eyeglasses much. Even when my mum sprung for a cool-beans pair of specs that folded up into a pocketable little square, kind of like the Transformers, but distinctively less cool.

I’m now 29 years old, and much more secure in my dorkhood.

I don’t see wearing glasses so much as a social curse as an opportunity to assert my offbeat, quirky, yet incredibly lovable and winning personality.

But I think the time has come for me to escape the binding oppression of a Life With Glasses, and graduate into a brave new world of 20/20 vision.

Lasik is for me.

I must admit that my motivations for wanting perfect eyesight are less than noble.

I want to be able to wear shades at the beach and not have to squint to check out the hot underage Cebuana schoolgirls frolicking around in their My Little Pony bikinis.

I want to be able to pull up outside a club and be able to nonchalantly step out of my car without having to worry about eyeglasses fogging up.

I want to be able to wake up at 4 in the morning to pee, and be able to see the stream of steaming golden liquid shimmer delicately in the flickering fluorescent light.

I want to see the world as it really is, and not just as it kind-of-sort-of-blurrily is.

Lasik is the key.

This is it.

Let’s see how this goes.


I’m Not Just Good-Looking, I’m Award Winning Too!

February 17, 2010

I’ve always known I was good-looking. After all, I have appeared in major print advertising campaigns for high-end retail establishments.

But truth to tell, I had a lot of insecurities coming back to Marketing after having spent 2 years in the Advertising industry – there are a lot more operational skills, and the sheer number of people I would need to interface with is both broader and more diverse. And obviously it’s more difficult to be overseeing all functions pertaining to a brand’s existence, rather than the luxury of focusing in a single specialized field.

One of my tiny little personal victories in the 8 months I’ve been back on the Marketing side of things has been this tiny little activation campaign I ran for Eden Cheese, which only happened to break a world record held by a small, obscure nation called India, with an insignificant population of, oh, about 1-billion people, with coverage by Reuters and the Associated Press.

5,845 unique dishes, all made with cheese? Even I had a hard time believing it, and I’m the biggest fan of cheese in the world.

(That’s ironic, considering I have a very sensitive lactose-intolerant stomach)

So it’s nice to get little tokens of validation once in a while.

Like during the recent 2009 Kraft Foods Celebration of Marketing Excellence for the Asia-Pacific Region in Singapore, when this humble little campaign funded with an abysmal amount of resources happened to bring home one very exciting prize.

It was an award whose winner was judged by a very tall, smart man named Shawn Warren, Vice President for Marketing in Asia-Pacific, and an important-sounding woman with impressive hair named Mary Beth West, Global Chief Marketing Officer for Kraft Foods.

So obviously I’m very proud.

My old boss used to tell me, “There is no such thing as a lack of money – only a lack of imagination.”

And really, taking this award home for the Kraft Foods/JWT/Brand on Demand/GeiserMaclang team proves that is entirely correct.

2010 is a new year with a new brand, a new team, and new challenges – will the Superstar continue to conquer? Abangan!

Time to update my CV, in any case.

Professional Male Model With Substance” sounds like a really neat addition.


How Much Did Manny Villar Spend on Advertising in 2009?

February 11, 2010

Karl Marx had it wrong when he said that religion is the opiate of the masses – it’s television. And if that is true, then us advertisers are the cartel ringleaders who have bastardized the medium’s initial intent of broadcasting a diverse range of world-spanning content into a swamp of marketing messages and branding initiatives.

Manny Villar certainly knows this fact just as well as any Brand Manager – he has not only embraced the platform of television advertising, but has invested heavily into re-envisioning himself into a larger-than-life Brand rather than a simple Human Being.

It’s amazing to see the resources he has at his disposal. MDJ Superstar recently spotted a Nielsen report detailing the Top 20 advertisers for the year 2009, based on rate card prices*.

2009 Rate Card, amount estimated in billions of Philippine pesos.

At the top of the list are the usual fast-moving consumer goods (FMCG) suspects – Unilever, P&G, Nestle, Unilab, and Colgate-Palmolive, the Big Five who have collectively poured in over PhP64-billion worth of advertising investments.

Secondary players such as URC, Selecta, Del Monte, and Kraft Foods have demonstrated tremendous double-digit growth (and, in Selecta’s case, triple-digit growth) in advertising spend in 2009, leapfrogging such traditional powerhouses as McDonald’s and San Miguel, both of whom are nowhere to be found on this list.

But truly, although he brings up the rear of the Top 20 advertisers in 2009, the sheer volume of Manny Villar’s spend is shocking.

PhP1.3-billion.

One point three billion pesos.

Put into concrete terms, that would be enough money to purchase two 8-ounce bottles of Coke for every single individual in the Philippines, or a Honda Civic for each of the 1,497 municipalities nationwide. It’s an amount worth more than the Houston Rockets’ superstar guard Tracy McGrady’s 2009-2010 NBA contract, or roughly equivalent to the combined 2009 estimated GDP of Tuvalu and Niue.

It’s astonishing that a single individual could have earned that much money in his lifetime. Perhaps he really is an incredibly astute businessman; but then again any real businessman worth his salt knows that you spend money to make more money.

Kind of makes you wonder how he intends to recoup his investment…

Invest in a White Hat franchise, maybe?

* For those of you not familiar with media buying, “rate card” refers to the standardized rates published by the media networks for a standard commercial spot, although depending on negotiation skills and volume commitments, certain large advertisers may secure massive discounts off of rate card – therefore actual money paid out by each advertiser could theoretically be 50-60% lower than what is listed here.