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[VIDEO BLOG] The 2011 De Joya Nerf Russian Roulette World Championships

By MDJ Superstar
January 1, 2011 //
0

This Christmas, we De Joya males, as strapping, cavalier, and hunky as we are – true blueprints for the prototypical Manly Man – discovered a gentlemanly new way to settle our disputes.

Four Nerf N-Strike Maverick pistols. One for the each of us. Each one a deadly hunk of finely-tooled canary-yellow plastic primed and ready to unleash a vicious onslaught of foam-rubber upon unsuspecting passers-by.

These Nerf guns are devastating pieces of high-tech space-age technology made available only to the finest specimens of Manly Men. Only the most physically-gifted can bear them; only those with the true soul of hunter may wield their awesome destructive might.

And how do we, the Manly De Joya Men, apply such terrifying armaments of devastating firepower?

Watch and learn.

This video also proves there is no such thing as the law of averages. Michael won four straight times!

In the words of The Sicilian from The Princess Bride: “Inconceivable!”

Not to mention irritating…

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Categories Manly Man Manifesto, Personal, Uncategorized

Happy New Year From MDJ Superstar, Muchachos!

By MDJ Superstar
December 31, 2010 //
0

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Categories Personal

The New KFC Double Down: Shining Immortal of Fast Food Glory, or Paper Pretender to Manly Man Satisfaction?

By MDJ Superstar
November 19, 2010 //
1

There is a very memorable speech that Brad Pitt gives as Achilles in the Trojan War cinematic epic, “Troy.”

He speaks on immortality, on how it lies in wait for those who dare to surge beyond fear, beyond despair, beyond the thought of “I cannot do it.”

“Immortality,” he says. “Take it. It’s yours!”

And it appears that the good folk over at KFC seem to have taken this inspirational quest for immortality to heart, launching what initially promised to be one of the most spectacular fastfood innovations known to man: The new KFC Double Down.

This TV commercial inspired me enough to write about it on my food blog some months ago. “At last!” I thought to myself. “A burger that finally understands what it is that us Manly Men need: Protein!”

Here’s how it looks:

And here’s how they described it:

The creation features a dollop of the Colonel’s secret sauce wrapped in a slice of both Pepperjack Cheese and Swiss Cheese, between two slices of bacon and two filets of KFC original recipe chicken that serve as the ‘bread’ of the burger. That’s right – instead of bread, you get breaded chicken. Multiplied by two.

No bread. Just chicken. The unhungry burger for hungry men.

What an amazing concept.

Now, I had been trying my darnedest over the last three days to finally score myself a taste of the KFC Double Down when I heard that KFC had finally decided to offer it to the local Philippine market of strapping, protein-hungry Manly Men such as myself. I confess that my batting average was at 0-for-3; it was sold out across all branches – a fact confirmed via various friends on Twitter to whom I had complained.

And then, I spotted it at KFC along President’s Avenue in BF Homes. It was available. For real.

PhP100 for the a la carte Double Down.

PhP115 inclusive of a beverage.

PhP135 inclusive of a beverage and one Fixin. They suggested coleslaw. I did not disagree.

I did, however, realize that I was a rich man, who happened to have PhP203 in my very luxurious Seiko wallet. And rather than just going Double Down, I decided to go All In.

This is a picture of my custom MDJ Super All In Double Down Gluttony Extravaganza Combo Meal – one KFC Double Down, one regular coleslaw, one regular mashed potatoes, double rice, and a large refreshing glass of Lipton iced tea. That’s the 6 essential Manly Man food groups represented right there.

And so, after months of anticipation, wet dreams, and petition-signing, how did the KFC Double Down actually taste?

In a word: Disappointing.

The chicken patties are literally what you are served in your basic Colonel’s Burger, while the bacon was soggy and almost indiscernible. And I’m not sure what got lost in translation, but the Pepperjack and Swiss cheese promised in KFC’s original advertising copy tasted just like your typical local Eden Cheese Singles.

And most disappointingly, the “Colonel’s Secret Sauce” tasted just like plain old mayo.

But was it filling?

Manly Men don’t demand high artistry in their food; we need substance and size. The KFC Double Down is surprisingly small – despite the multiple Fixins and double rice I accessorized it with, I ended my meal still feeling hungry. It’s no more filling than a standard 1-piece order of fried chicken; I had to get an additional order of Chewy Cheese to satiate my generous appetite. If you have to spend almost PhP300 at KFC to feel full, then it’s probably a sign that you ordered wrong.

Final verdict?

KFC’s Double Down promised to be the immortal deity of glory and goodness on the High Holy Pantheon of Dude Food. It’s no more filling than a 1-piece order of fried chicken – and we all know that no true Manly Man worth his collection of Maxim magazine would be caught dead ordering anything less than two pieces of good, wholesome, healthy KFC.

Give it a shot just to satisfy your curiosity, but don’t expect to make a lifelong habit out of it.

In the quest for immortality, KFC’s Double Down comes up way short. It’s a summer night’s fling rather than a lifetime love.

And we all know that when it comes to love, to commitment, to relationship, real Manly Men like you and me are all about the long view.

The unhungry sandwich? More like the unmanly.

Categories Food, Manly Man Manifesto, Personal

The Beauty Queen & The Action Star

By Hungry Man
November 15, 2010 //
0

A couple pic taken at a pole-dancing event the other week.

Zee looks pretty. I look like a B-movie action star, only a few rungs down from the likes of Jestoni Alarcon.

Zee is the best girlfriend ever. She takes me to scope out hot poledancers spreading their legs and cavorting around steel poles while dressed in tight leather outfits. The only trade-off is that I need to take her to the Cosmo Bachelor Bash next year.

I love her. If I need to take her to scope out hot veiny men in ripped denim, then I will.

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Categories Personal, Relationships

Part Two: The Invasion of the Underage Frilly Fashion Diva Princesses

By MDJ Superstar
November 9, 2010 //
1

Click here for Part One of MDJ Superstar’s thrilling, purely fictional Manly Man Manifesto adventures as he stood face to face with the unholy army of the Bieber-Gaga cult of teenybopper pop culture!

*****

MDJ Superstar was trapped. He knew there was no escape. He could either help art-direct the fashion pictorial of the freshly-dolled up Fashion Diva Princesses on the gardens facing Bonifacio High Street’s local hell-hole of pink glitter, Club Princess, or he could burn in eternal damnation on the fiery altar of the Cult of Gaga.

“You leave me no choice, foul princesses,” he muttered, as a single perfect tear welled up in his glistening ochre eyes. “With the help of my assistant models, Trixie and Ara, I will elevate you to fashion immortality.”

Off scampered the Fashion Diva Princesses, with MDJ Superstar trudging sadly in their wake. They lined up in the ever-extending ebony shadow of Club Princess, squealing and giggling with nervous eagerness.

The foul pink soldiers of Gaga forming their demonic ranks, with the assistance of professional models Trixie & Ara.

“Alright girls!” exclaimed MDJ Superstar, his fear now swallowed and digested into a more manageable lump of fortitude, “At the count of three, everyone smile, pose, and shout, DIVA!!!”

The girls tossed their be-glittered hair in the wind, with feathered boas whipping ferociously around them like dragon-snakes searching ravenously for their next victim. A pall of anticipation befell them.

MDJ Superstar gathered his breath. In the distance, the shrill call of a lone wolf echoed through a morose sky.

“ONE… TWO… THREE… DIVA!!!”

The assembled ranks of the Underage Frilly Fashion Diva Princesses.

“Will you spare me?” MDJ Superstar intoned, his voice rasping slightly. “Will you allow me to go off to do Appropriately Manly Things such as having my car detailed or downloading scintillating pornography at Flesh Asia Daily 3.0?”

“We shall do no such thing,” squealed the horde of Fashion Diva Princesses. “We shall invite you to partake in some chocolate cake, and possibly even chicken fingers with us at TGIFriday’s, and watch us as we do our fashion walk-off on the High Holy Catwalk of Gaga!”

And so off they dashed to the nearby restaurant, filling the bar area with a throng of pink glitter and giggles.

Zarah is shocked at the ferocious torrent of Fashion Diva Princesses who filled the room with their demonic glitter-gear..

Within, a tall, sombre figure of imposing height towered above the crowd of 7-year old’s, her impassive stare reading into the very nooks and crannies of each of their souls. She was Carisse Escueta, and she knew what it meant to be a Fashion Diva Princess too.

Taking charge: Carisse, the High Holy Priestess of Gaga holds court over the Fashion Diva Princesses.

“Alright Fashion Diva Princesses,” she exclaimed, “Everybody line up on stage and get ready to vamp down the red carpet!”

Getting ready to own the catwalk.

A wild cheer emanated from the assembled ranks of the Diva Fashion Princesses. Catwalks and red carpets were completely familiar territory to them. They had, after all, absorbed every single episode of the last 18 seasons of America’s Next Top Model.

And off they vamped. They ramped, and they stamped. The red carpet was their dominion, and each other’s cheers and giggles were their fire.

“All right Divas,” thundered Carisse once the 19-strong contingent had completed its parade. “Let’s get the birthday girl Bea on stage, and we can have her blow out her candles!”

Getting ready to put out the Fashion Flames burning steadily on the Barbie birthday cake.

An uneven chorus of “Happy Birthday To You” broke out, serenading little Bea with love and appreciation. “Happy birthday, dear Bea… Happy birthday to you!”

And like a gracious duchess bidding thanks to a delegation of nobles, Bea mounted the stage with her beautiful, extremely curvaceous mother, and expressed her heart-felt emotions to her fellow Fashion Diva Princesses.

“Thank you so much for coming,” she purred. “I had so much fun, and hope you all did too!”

And swift as a lightning bolt, it was all over, a shower of warm applause washing over the birthday girl as laser-lights traced constellations around her.

“It was all worth it,” thought MDJ Superstar to himself, nodding with a fresh wave of understanding. “These girls live to diva. Viva la diva!”

Far above him, a single, flawless white dove took flight into the air.

Slowly, it sailed higher and higher into the sky, finally vanishing into a sparkling lake of molten gold as the sun beamed serenely down upon 19 newly-minted Fashion Diva Princesses.

World peace, muttered MDJ Superstar to nobody in particular. It was all about world peace.

The Birthday Girl.


*****

This epic two-part extravaganza is dedicated to two of the most perfect, wonderful, beautiful women in my life – the lovely, talented, and extremely voluptuous Zarah Hernaez, and her wonderfully charming little girl, Bea.

Madonna & Child.

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Categories Manly Man Manifesto, Personal, Relationships, Style
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