A couple pic taken at a pole-dancing event the other week.
Zee looks pretty. I look like a B-movie action star, only a few rungs down from the likes of Jestoni Alarcon.
Zee is the best girlfriend ever. She takes me to scope out hot poledancers spreading their legs and cavorting around steel poles while dressed in tight leather outfits. The only trade-off is that I need to take her to the Cosmo Bachelor Bash next year.
I love her. If I need to take her to scope out hot veiny men in ripped denim, then I will.
They bore tough, resilient armors, hardy enough to resist the most ferocious battering from oceans of misfortune, yet light and pliable enough to allow them to gaze up at the stars every night, dreaming, wondering, “Life.. what does it hold for us?”
They had hopes. They had dreams. They had ambitions and visions, aspirations and goals.
But above all, they had each other.
Their names were Tiffany and Amber, and they were two beautiful young crabs in love.
They swore to each other, with claws intertwined after one particularly lusty, sweaty evening of fierce lovemaking, that they would always be true to each other. They would strive to be better crustaceans together. They would take care of each other, and they would live for each other.
Little did they know that in addition to this, they would die together as well.
Join us on this brief documentary celebrating how the one brief, glorious blaze of love shared by young Tiffany and Amber was tragically snuffed out by the voracious appetites of two incredibly good-looking, adorable, slightly nutty yet staggeringly sweet Superstars likewise in love, MDJ & Zee.
Shed a tear for the end of the love shared by Tiffany & Amber.
Yet forget not to celebrate the courage with which they faced death together.
If only we, as humans, could learn to be as brave.
* Production notes: (1) Real crab experts would have spotted right from the start that the crabs in question were, in fact, male, and should not have been named “Tiffany” and “Amber,” but “Timothy” and “Andrew.” (2) All footage is entirely unscripted, and is representative of the general silliness that goes on during the dates of the very-much-twitterpated MDJ & Zee, (3) If you enjoyed this video, kindly share us your appreciation by depositing a very large gratuity in our PayPal accounts, preferably in increments of $1,000.
Legendary 90s rock band Mr. Big was incredibly thrilled to FINALLY meet Manila’s resident Rated-R Superstar, MDJ, at the VIP Meet & Greet in Singapore last October 18th. Confided Billy Sheehan to CNN.com immediately afterwards, “It was like… coming home.”
In an unparalleled act of graciousness, MDJ Superstar condescended to bestow upon the aging rock icons personalized sketches of each one demonstrating their respective musical talents.
Eric Martin was floored by the MDJ original piece of artwork highlighting his famous cheekbones, hair plugs, and cherry-red collagen pout.
Billy Sheehan was rendered speechless by the intense, brooding likeness MDJ put down on paper of him clutching his famous Fender bass guitar.
Paul Gilbert was in a mild sweat and later described the sensation of his pants tightening, as he reveled in the sketch of him that the rest of Mr. Big described as making him look “like an older Captain Jack Sparrow… only sexier.”
Pat Torpey reportedly experienced mild palpitations, and was advised by the physician on hand to refrain from strenuous activities over the next two weeks, all from the thrill of seeing himself sketched in a manner that was reminiscent of The Terminator.
Motivated by such enthralling presents from the famed MDJ Superstar, the band proceeded to put on a spectacular 2 1/2 hour show featuring such trademark Mr. Big hits as “Green-Tinted 60s Mind,” “Just Take My Heart,” “Addicted To The Rush,” as well as covers of AC/DC’s hard-rocking anthem “Highway To Hell,” and Deep Purple’s classic “Smoke On The Water.”
In an attempt to reciprocate the supreme generosity demonstrated by The Superstar, the band offered MDJ $25,000 and a 2-hour romp with their drunk Venezuelan groupies. MDJ Superstar, however, politely declined.
“Generosity,” he gently remonstrated the band, “is its own reward.”
