Our old cook is visiting for the holidays – she’s a rich haciendera now, with mineral deposits running beneath her land – and she brought us a shocking Christmas present.

D’Joya kids say:

OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

So, anybody want to come over for Christmas dinner? That turkey is ginormous. I’ll trade you a make-out session for a slice of my mom’s home-baked turkey secret recipe with special stuffing.

Merry Christmas, superstarlets.

Please don’t call PETA. We plan to slaughter the turkey in the most peaceful, humane way possible. Now, where did I leave my sledgehammer…

P.S. D’Joya kids have terrible foresight and planning. Our captivity plan to keep the turkey secure until the 24th – let it run roughshod with the D’Joya Doglings in the bodega, and hope it doesn’t accidentally fall into a tub full of gravy in the meantime…